2013 in review

The year 2013 had many big changes in store for me.  First, my husband and I moved to a new state where we didn't have any friends or family in order to help him pursue his dream of attending the Rhode Island School of Design.  He is a very talented artist, and this school is one of the best art schools in the country.  While he supported me through school, it was now my turn to return the favor.

We moved into a new 2 bedroom apartment with the smallest kitchen on the planet.  But I really like our apartment.  While it is small, we made it cozy.  It has wood floors and wooden exposed beams because we are on the top floor.  Our dog Molly moved in with us as well.  Our last hurrah with my family was an AMAZING trip to Disney World and Savannah in May.  After that, in June I started my current job and it's been a struggle to adjust ever since.

Before we moved, last spring, my mom and I started Nutrisystem together.  She lost about 40 or more pounds while I think I lost about 15, within the first month or month and a half.  I got so tired though of eating out of a container or pouch.  She stuck with it at least another month than I did.  I had to have real food again (even though on the plan you still eat your own fruits and vegetables).  I went into it knowing it was going to be a temporary diet.  I used it to learn portion control and what sized meals I was supposed to be having.  I starved most of the time.

Then during the summer, I was adjusting to my new work routine of driving at least an hour to work, working for 10 hours, then driving home for another hour or more for a total of 12 hours gone.  I have a desk job so moving isn't much of an option.  To add in movement to my daily routine, I started walking everyday at lunch.  At first it was only 15 minutes because I didn't know how long of a lunch hour I got.  Lunch was never the same 2 days in a row.  We always took lunch at a different time - but typically around 2pm.  My lunch walk now has been extended to 25 minutes.  I talk to my mom the whole time and we can catch up with each other and how our day is going.  It quickly has become my favorite time of day.  So much so that I continue to walk even when it is raining or snowing or freezing outside just so I can get my blood pumping and get to chit chat with my mom.

I am more settled now in my routine.  I recently joined Planet Fitness and (while I haven't been since before Christmas) I think pushing myself to go at night really helps me feel better both physically and mentally.  It's good to move.  It's natural.  A desk job for 10 hours isn't.

So as we say our final words to the year 2013, I want to thank Father Time for all the blessings that had come our way this year.  I pray that 2014 looks upon us with kind eyes as we continue to strive for our hopes and dreams to come true.

Let's raise a glass to 2013!

Merry Christmas

My little furbaby Charlie the Maltese wants to say:

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL - AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!!! xoxo

What to eat at Miller's Ale House

Miller's Boston Ale House

With my husband just finishing his classes for the semester, and with Christmas being next week, we thought it would be nice for him to come pick me up at my office and take me out to lunch!

I went to Miller's Ale House a week or two ago with my co-workers and I thought it was great in there.  The fat me was in heaven.

So today I go to look up their menu online, and as usual, am horrified.  Thankfully though like a guardian angel they have a "lighter fare" section for those that want to watch ourselves.  They have all other nutritional information posted online as well.

WHAT TO ORDER

(1) LIGHTER FARE POT-STICKERS

Lighter Fare Pot-stickers - 490 calories

Steamed Pork Dumplings on a bed of Cabbage. Served with a Tangy Plum Sauce.

Last time, I ordered the "Lighter Fare" Potstickers.  They were REALLY good, but face it, 6 pot-stickers isn't enough to satisfy anyone, let alone me.  However, they are a reasonable option for some.

The pdf nutritional menu does not offer more details on their lighter fare menu, so unfortunately all I can dig up is the calorie amount.

(2) BAHAMIAN MAHI MAHI

Lighter Fare Bahamian Mahi Mahi - 460 Calories

Mahi Mahi, Broccoli, Zucchini, Tomatoes, Red Potatoes, Lemon, Bell Peppers and Onions Marinated in Garlic Wine Sauce with a Hint of Tabasco® and Baked in a Foil Bag

This option looks the healthiest of the bunch since it includes fish, which is super healthy for you and mahi mahi is a nice type, along with all of the vegetables.

I am going to be ordering this along with a side of rice (which is 190 calories) for a total of 650 calories.  Usually I do not have so many calories for lunch, but this will probably be my "main" meal of the day and I will have a lighter than usual dinner.  But I also plan on hitting the gym again tonight so that will help!

(3) ORIENTAL CHICKEN

Teriyaki Marinated Boneless Breast of Chicken, Seared to Perfection and Topped with Fresh Pineapple. Served with a Choice of Potato and Cole Slaw

While I could not find a photo of this and also while it is not on their lighter fare, this dish has 450 calories plus whatever side you choose.  If you get this with broccoli, it will only set you back 510 calories.  Not bad!

WHAT NOT TO ORDER

(1) MILLER'S SEAFOOD LOBSTER CLAM BAKE

Miller's Seafood Lobster Clam Bake - 1900 calories

Snow Crab, Cold Water Lobster Tail, Mussels, Clams, Shrimp, Redskin Potatoes and Corn on the Cob Cooked in Crab Boil & Old Bay. Served with a Taste of our Clam Chowder.

1900 calories!!!!!!! AND THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE A SIDE!!!!!!!!!  Once you see that astonishing number, this dish falls flat pretty quickly.  Not to mention the 84g of fat.

This one really threw me for a loop because everything is BROILED there is NOTHING fried and yet look at those calories and fat!! Imagined if it was fried!  I am fainting!

(2) ENGLISH STYLE FISH AND CHIPS

English Style Fish and Chips - 2090 calories

A Generous Portion of Flaky White Fish Fried Golden Brown. Served with Cole Slaw and French Fries.

This takes the cake.  This plate has 2090 calories and that is just the fish alone without the tartar sauce, fries or cole slaw.

(3) BROWNIE HOT FUDGE SUNDAE

Brownie Hot Fudge Sundae - 2700 calories

It is not surprise that a Brownie Hot Fudge Sundae on ANY menu is one to steer clear of - but still at 2700 calories and 101g of fat, it is quite impressively terrible for you.  I almost feel like restaurants that serve this stuff should be locked up.  

So many people have NO CLUE what they are eating.  Would you REALLY choose this if you KNEW it was 2700 calories?  Even if you are sharing it????

Once again, Miller's disappoints.  Many restaurants do.  BUT at least Miller's has some decent choices as well. 

You just have to be strong when you are ordering!

Benefits of Water

As I write this entry, I have already gone about three times and I feel like I need to go again.  TMI, my bad.

People are always saying how important water is for weight loss.  For the longest time, I thought that it meant any liquid.  As long as I was drinking a lot, it was good for me right, RIGHT?!?!

Wrong.

I used to drink diet soda all day long.  At the end of September I gave up diet soda completely and have not had a single drop of it since.  Sometimes I will have a glass of regular soda, but mostly these days I drink Polar Seltzer or plain old H2O.

Always check the ingredients!

If you decide to add seltzer into your diet, but VERY wary of the type!  ONLY drink seltzer that is made of of water and natural flavors.  You will be SHOCKED at the amount of seltzer's out there that are jam packed with artificial flavoring and sugars!

Food for thought: for every caffeinated drink you have, you have to drink an extra two glasses of water to make up for the caffeine's dehydration effects.

WebMD has an article that states that a study has been done and how drinking water can actually raise your metablish.

BUT WAIT - You mean I can burn more calories DOING NOTHING as long as I am having my water intake?

That's right! In the article on WebMD, there were only a couple extra calories burned because of this.  It does this by aiding in the body's breakdown of carbohydrates, which is one of the biggest enemies for women to begin with as to why we are struggling with weight loss to begin with.

While this is modest at best, water's main benefits also include that it helps with skin elasticity (which we all will need help with after we shed all these pounds), flushes out toxins, and it even helps strengthen the immune system!

And ladies, it helps keep your skin glowing too!

Of course the excessive bathroom breaks is an unfortunate side-effect, but with all the benefits that water has, I say it is a fair trade.

http://cranberrycorner.ca/the-benefits-of-drinking-water/

Fear the Scale

This is so me.  After having a good (not perfect) day, I often get excited to weigh-in.  I used to weigh-in every day but I have stopped that.

There is plenty room for debate on the whole weighing in everyday vs. once a week.  I tend to do a happy medium and weigh in twice a week.  I want to know how I am doing.  My official weigh-in day is Friday, where I will record my results to keep track.  I just weighed myself yesterday to find out if I was on track for a loss this week.  Happy to say that I was.

Some people like to weigh in every day because they want a daily reminder of how they are doing.  I get too crazy if I see a gain if it is every day so for my mental health I just do twice a week.

As long as you have one official weigh in day where you record your results, do whatever you think is best for you.

Surving the holidays

With Christmas only a week away, now is the time where all the cookies are coming out, the party gatherings are in full swing, and it seems like something tempting is being thrown in front of you every minute of the day.

For me, at my office we had someone drop off a giant plate of cookies last night.  So far I haven't had one.  I wish I had taken a picture of it when it was still full.  This was the plate of cookies this morning:

Half eaten tray of cookies

Traditionally the holidays can go 1 of 2 ways : 1) Stuff your face and regret everything in the New Year or 2) Deprive yourself so badly that you end up binge eating or doing something stupid

Anyway, the point is, these cookies are tempting me.  And while I am far away from being perfect as I had a couple extra foods last night once I got home, the point is your "diet" (or better yet, way of life) is right NOW.  There is no tomorrow as far as life is concerned.  We only have the present.  Deciding to have a life change and create new healthier habits cycles every day and just like the sun, it rises again the next morning staring you in the face.

It often seems that my diet is starting over again, almost daily, until I realized that my diet does start over daily.  Often I hear from my mom "Oh I'm going go start again on Monday" and I have found myself saying this as well.

The reality is, every morning is a new start to your diet.  Today isn't going to be 100% like yesterday.  Plans will change, your meals will change, and your motivation will wax and wane at different times than it did yesterday.  

Evil cookie

And while this cookie may be staring at my face, for now, in the present, I decide to skip it.  That doesn't mean I will deprive myself this whole Christmas season.  It just means right now I am strong and can pass it.

After all, if we make more good decisions than bad decisions, it's a win.  

If I come out of the Christmas season a little lighter than I went in, this will be a success.

Frozen Crock Pot Meal - Savory Pepper Steak

Another modification from the awesome over at Mommy's Fabulous Finds about pre-making easy crock-pot freezer meals.

With Christmas just a week away, we are all busy trying to fit in our normal busy schedules along with all the Christmas festivities, cookie making, friend-seeing, gift wrapping and carol singing that I thought that the last recipe for Tropical Meatballs was such a success that I would try another!

So without further a-do, I give you Savory Pepper Steak.

SAVORY PEPPER STEAK - SERVES 4

298 calories per serving

Savory Pepper Steak

• 1 package of beef stew meat boneless chuck fresh (1.5 lbs)
• 1/4 cup whole wheat flour (I use King Arthur White Whole Wheat Flour Unbleached)
• 3/4 of a giant onion or 1 whole medium/large onion, sliced
• 1 tbs of chopped garlic (I use chopped garlic in water)
• 1 red pepper, sliced
• 2 tbs of Worcestershire sauce (I use Lea & Perrin's)
• a few dashes of steak seasoning (I recommend McCormick Grill Mates Seasoning Montreal Steak 15% less Sodium)
• a few dashes of Molasses Bacon seasoning (I used McCormmick Grill Mates)
• a tbs of lower sodium soy sauce

CALORIE BREAKDOWN

6oz serving of beef - 245 calories

flour - 25 calories

onion - 12 calories

garlic - 1 calorie

pepper - 9

Worcestershire sauce - 2 calories

seasoning - 0 calories

low sodium soy sauce - 4  calories

INSTRUCTIONS

Toss steak in salt, pepper, & flour and add to gallon-sized freezer bag. In a med bowl mix together the rest of the ingredients, add to bag. Zip close and place in freezer. When ready to use thaw in fridge overnight. Cook on low 7 hours or on high for 3 hours.

As you can see from the original recipe, I modified it quite a bit to go with what I had at home.  I did not have steak sauce so I substituted a little bit of soy sauce - I thought that would help.  I also completely disregarded the tomatoes because my husband hates them.  Also, we did not have beef bouillon so I left that out too.  

Feel free to serve this over brown rice whole grain (by Carolina) for an additional 150 calories per 3/4 cup or white rice for 160 calories per 1/4 cup.

MY REVIEW

Originally my husband lost track of the time that it was in the crock-pot for.  The original recipe says 8 hours on low or 4 hours on high and I think we stuck pretty close to it - but it was overcooked to me.  I would suggest cooking it 1 hour less - low for 7 hours or high for 3 hours (like I stated above).

Overall, 3 out of 5 stars.

Frozen Crock Pot Meat - Spicy Tropical Meatballs

Found an awesome post over at Mommy's Fabulous Finds about pre-making easy crock-pot freezer meals.  I thought what an excellent way to save myself cooking time during the week.  Now that my husband is on Christmas break until January 7, he is home all day and can easy pop one of these puppies in the crock-pot for me and it will save us both time!  He really needs a break from art school.  He has been working really hard.

So this weekend I decided to make my own version of her Sweet and Sour Meatballs.  I changed quite a few ingredients and decided to rename them to Tropical Meatballs.  Here is my calorie breakdown:

SPICY TROPICAL MEATBALLS - SERVES 5

324 calories per serving

Spicy Tropical Meatballs

• 1 package of frozen turkey meatballs (I used Cooked Perfect) - about 27 meatballs
• 1 6oz can of pineapple chunks in water, not drained
• 1 sweet red bell pepper, sliced or diced (your choice)
• 1/3 of a bottle of World Harbor Sweet & Spicy Jamaican Style Jerk Marinade & Sauce

Only 160mg of sodium and 20 calories per serving!

CALORIE BREAKDOWN

5.5 meatballs - 252 calories
dole pineapple chunks - 28 calories

pepper - 5 calories

World Harbors Jamaican Sauce - 40 calories

INSTRUCTIONS

Toss in all ingredients into a gallon sized plastic baggie and place in freezer. When ready to use thaw in fridge overnight. Cook on low 4 hours or on high for 2 hours.

Feel free to serve this over brown rice whole grain (by Carolina) for an additional 150 calories per 3/4 cup or white rice for 160 calories per 1/4 cup.

NUTRITIONAL BREAKDOWN

Calories: 324
Carbs: 26
Fat: 16
Sodium: 1419
Sugar: 14

Originally I thought perhaps the marinade would have too much sodium (which as you can tell is always a concern of mine) but luckily (and happily) one serving of this marinade has 160mg of sodium (there are 2 servings in this recipe).

MY REVIEW

These meatballs were quite spicy.  If you like spice, these are great, if not, don't even think about it.  I ended up not eating the pineapple chunks, who likes hot pineapple?  But I am sure it mixed well with the marinade.  My husband LOVED these!  I will have to make them again but I will try to see how to lower the sodium amount because it's a little on the ridiculously high side.

Overall, 4 our of 5 stars.

Yummy yummy - SNACK TIME!

There is no way I would get through my work day without my drawer of snacks.  I am gone 12 hours a day and my firm doesn't eat lunch until around 2pm even though we open at 8:30am.

I typically have 2 snacks a day.  I always try to have one of them be a fruit such as a banana, blueberries or apples.  Usually between breakfast and lunch I have my first snack.

Snack drawer of goodies

I *LOVE* cottage cheese.  I always have.  Hood has these awesome single serving packs that come in different flavors such as chive or pineapple (my favorites).  This is a great source of protein (see, even the label agrees), vitamin b-12, calcium (18% of your recommendation daily portion), and phosphorus.  This stuff would also make a great dip if you want to add some raw veggies like celery or carrots.

However, one must be wary of the sodium content.  This cottage cheese pictured below has 650mg of sodium!  I didn't even realize it myself until making this post.

A better alternative (which I also love) is the 100 calorie Breakstone Doubles.  These also come in great flavors such as raspberry and mango.  This alternative saves you about 75 calories and only has 1/4 of the sodium that the Hood version has.

I know I will be switching from now on!

Hood Cottage Cheese with Chives - 650mg of sodium

Next on my favorite snack lists is Emerald's 100 calorie packs of nuts.  Nuts are a great addition to any diet.  The Mayo Clinic states that nuts are good for your heart, easy to store, and fun to eat (ok I added that third thing in there).  The type is typically not that important.

People who eat nuts as part of their diet have a lower count of their LDL or "bad cholesterol."  I know I in particular have seen this too high in my blood tests in the past.  My overall cholesterol is fine, but the bad cholesterol is too high and my good cholesterol is too low.  By adding nuts, which I love anyway, more regularly in my diet I am hoping to change this.

This particular cinnamon roasted almond 100 calorie pack from Emerald that I love is surprisingly low in sodium, only 25mg per serving.  I would recommend being careful (again) of the sodium levels as people love to add all sorts of things to these otherwise healthy snacks.  This one though is a good one.

low in sodium, high in taste!

The last snack I am going to discuss in this post is the fiber one brownies/cookies, in particular the Cinnamon Coffee Cake flavor.  This one has to be my favorite flavor of this brand.  It's tasty, and it feeds my carb cravings without being totally terrible for me.  While yes this is a processed food, and you should try to limit those in your life, I have not gone 100% eating clean.  So for those of you that try to be, this isn't for you.  For the rest of us that are just trying in baby steps, like me, to become better at this, then this might be a tasty treat for you.

It has 5 grams of fiber and is only 90 calories.  That seems like a win win.  And when you open the package, a burst of cinnamon slaps you in the face and you fall in love.

Fiber One Cinnamon Coffee Cake - only 90 calories!

So there you have a small tour of my snack drawer.  It changes often and this is what I am enjoying this week.

Remember every change, if it is small, counts and helps makes a difference.

Planet Fitness - new location

There is a new Planet Fitness opening up within a mile of where I live.  I am so excited!  I used to belong when I lived on Long Island.  The gym at my apartment complex is kind of sad.  For such a low fee, I figured I would just join up at Planet Fitness again.  Love that place!  It is only missing a pool.

This is what my 30 minute workout area will look like.  Planning on doing this twice a week.

Right now, just as I am getting back into the swing of things, this is my planned workout schedule:

(1) 45 minutes on the elliptical - easy to moderate - Mon/Weds/Fri

(2) 30 minute workout - easy to moderate - Tues/Thurs

(3) 25 minute walk at lunch - easy to moderate - Mon/Tues/Weds/Thurs/Fri

If I miss a workout I will add it onto the weekend if at all possible.  I always find it hard to workout on the weekends because they are even busier than the week because we travel to visit our family a lot of the time or just have errands to do.  If I can add on an extra cardio day on the weekend I think that would be a good plan :)

I am hoping that this schedule works out.  So far this week I only did 2 cardio sessions at the gym.  I want to add in some weight lifting to the mix because I know it really helps your metabolism and of course makes you look more toned and less loose skin.  You also can't do 2 strength training exercises 2 days in a row because your muscles need down time to rest and regenerate.

What to eat and what to say away from at TGI Friday's

Another obstacle I am going to have today is that it is Friday which means that it's the night that we eat out. I  got an awesome coupon for a free entree from TGI Friday's.  But I am going to be smart and look up their menu ahead of time and search for nutritional facts so I do not go in blind.  You can look up Friday's nutritional menu on their website.

THINGS TO STAY AWAY FROM AT FRIDAYS (BASICALLY EVERYTHING):

(1) Hibachi Chicken Skewers
For a whopping 1330 calories and 187 grams of carbs, 41 grams of fat.  Would you ever think simple chicken skewers could cause such havoc on your waistline?

(2) New York Cheddar and Bacon Burger
One of my husband's favorite things to order, this is 1540 calories, 104 grams of carbs, 100 grams of fat.  YES 100 GRAMS OF FAT!!!!!!!!  Even on my fat days I just can't imagine eating that much fat!! IT'S ATROCIOUS!!!!!

BETTER THINGS TO ORDER ON THE MENU AT FRIDAY'S

Of course eating out is never the best option since you are not the one in control of your own food, but face it, are we just going to hibernate and NEVER go out again for the rest of our lives?  Of course not.  You just have to be smart about it.

(1) Balsamic-Glazed Chicken Cesar Salad

This has 490 calories, 25 grams of carbs and 26 grams of fat.  I am unsure if this includes the actual dressing or not.  Order it with the low fat balsamic vinaigrette salad dressing for an extra 80 calories, 15 grams of carbs and 3 grams of fat.

(2) Dragonfire Chicken/Salmon

The chicken version of this dish has 660 calories, 0 trans fat, 95 carbs, and 15 grams of fat.  The salmon version has 600 calories, 46 grams of carbs, and 30 grams of fat.

(3) Steaks

There are some better options on the steak section such as the 6oz Sirloin for 370 and 24 grams of fat.  Be careful of the combos though and of the sides that you order.

(4) Sides

Broccoli is always a great choice.  With only 50 calories, 10 carbs and 0.5 grams of fat, this should always be the go-to side, especially here at Fridays.  The Ginger-Lime Slaw is also not so bad at 80 calories, 9 carbs and 4.5 grams of fat and neither is the tomato mozzarella salad at 110 calories, 5 carbs and 8 grams of fat.

Now that I see what my options are, I will probably go for the Balsamic-Glazed Chicken Cesar Salad.  I am trying to stay as low-carb as reasonably possible.

A mix of strengths and weaknesses

While in one of my last posts I stated that I was too tired to go to the gym, I did go to the gym on Wednesday night.  I am just going to have to learn to do deal with pushing through it.  Everyone else who is successful at weight loss and having a healthier lifestyle pushes through it.  I am happy to report that I did 45 minutes on the elliptical until the gym closed at 10pm.  I burned over 500 calories!

Another success story this week is that I lost 2.1lbs!

2 POUNDS DOWN!

I know I can do better, but I am certainly not going to complain.  Especially since last night I had another weak moment and had a hot white chocolate and a small apple turner when I went out to see the lights at the Millis Winter Wonderland with my husband.  A moment of weakness followed by a moment of triumph.

This morning I could have had another moment of weakness.  A co-worker brought in some donuts today.  I cut one in half and brought it back to my desk.  I got two bites in and literally smashed the donut on my desk and threw the rest out.  This is so early on in my journey, I have to be the strongest that I can now.

I will definitely have to take a current "before picture" in hopes that there will eventually be an "in progress" and "after" picture :)

I am in charge of how I feel, and today I am choosing happiness.

A huge part of losing weight is mental.  I would say 99% of it even.  Even though I am striving to change my body in ways I can't even imagine right now at the beginning of another leg of my journey, I know that my attitude is a huge part of my future success.

As a fan of the TV show "The Biggest Loser," I see how much time Jillian Michaels spends on breaking down the walls that we put up around ourselves.  All the times we call ourselves weak and tell ourselves we can't do it, the mind is listening to the message we are sending and believes it.  We need to send ourselves positive messages, even if we do not fully believe them yet, just to start to try to change our way of thinking.

Happiness truly can be a choice.  It is in our reactions and what defines us to the core.  No matter how the rest of the day turns out, I am going to try to love myself and choose happiness.  It's all a part of the new me.

So tired and worn out

My biggest hurdle in working out is being tired.  I work 8:30-6:30pm and have an hour commute each way.  By the time I cook, clean up dinner, its after 8 or 8:30pm.  I try to go to bed around 10:30pm and I wake up at 6:30am.  I know my body and it needs a lot of sleep.  Lately I haven't been going to bed quite as early, especially last night because I didn't even leave the gym until 10:15pm.

All day today I had fully intended on going to the gym to do strength training exercises.  I had it all planned out in my head.  But now as I write this right after dinner, clearly I am feeling defeated.   It's icy and cold outside, and I could probably fall asleep right now.  My husband thinks I should stay home too, which actually isn't helping.

No matter how tired I am, I will make myself go tomorrow.  I have to do this for myself.  I have to find the energy and dig deep.  But for tonight, I sleep.

About Me

So I figure I mind as well start off by telling you a little bit about myself and my back story.

I was an overweight kid growing up and I also grew very rapidly and was at my adult height of 5'10" by the time I was ten years old.  Being wider and taller than everyone by more than double their size was hard.  I feel like I missed out on a lot of things because of it.  I went to Catholic school so at least we all wore the same uniforms, even if mine had to be custom made.  I grew up with a lot of love surrounding me: my parents, my grandma and even my great-grandparents.

I may not know what is like to wear a bikini, but love - I know that very well.

I had several health issues growing up - mainly a diagnoses of rheumatoid arthritis, prolonged qt syndrome (which is heart related) and I also got Lyme's disease four times.  My doctor told my mom I may go to school one day and not come home.  Needless to say this freaked her out and therefore my life was not very physical.  My dad was, and is, an avid cyclist and is thin to the bone while my mom is even more overweight than me.  I'm a full grown, married adult, and I need to stop pretending that being at this weight is ok.

My weight went up and down in my early adulthood.  I was at my heaviest in 2006 at age 22 and my size 28 pants were getting tight.  Thankfully, it never got past that.

Despite this, I somehow managed to find the love of my life and he proposed to me in Disney World in 2010.  I felt like a princess on my wedding day in 2011.  I had ordered my wedding dress a whole size smaller than the day that I ordered it.  Of course the people at David's Bridal warned me against this, saying that every bride under the sun thinks they are going to lose enough weight to do something like that.  I was determined.  But did I succeed?

Yes I did!

I was one of the few that actually fit into the smaller size.  My dress was a plus size 18 at David's Bridal and I had lost about 20lbs in order to fit into it.  However, I did not stay that size very long.  My grandma, who was like a mother to me and lived with us, died 10 days before my wedding.  This destroyed my whole family and it was with a heavy heart that I walked down the aisle.

It didn't end there.

Three weeks to the day after my wedding, my beloved father-in-law passed away from melanoma at the young age of 50.  This then destroyed my new family as well.  As we entered into our marriage, our families were torn apart and falling apart from both sides.  It was very stressful.  I gained back the 20lbs I lost for my wedding, and then some.  And I never recovered.

Until now.

My husband and I finally moved out of my parents house and into our own first apartment, a couple states and a ferry ride away to a place where we don't have family or friends.  It's scary.  I have started a job and my husband has gone back to school.  It's been about 6 months since we moved here and I finally feel like I am getting my barrings and a routine down.  I work 50 hours a week and live more than an hour away from my job so finding time to work out and plan out nutrition is difficult.

But I can do it.

I feel like I have finally healed enough of my emotions now to try and heal my body.  My husband and I want to be parents and we certainly are not getting any younger.  But that, perhaps, is for a different post.

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.

There have been many things in life that I have started, stopped, started, stopped, started -- well, you get the idea.  The two main ones are 1) weight loss 2) blogging/journaling.

I find that forming your thoughts into words and sentences helps clear your mind, keep you accountable, on track and motivated.  It is a great way to externalize all the craziness that is going on in the human brain at any one time.

I also have been trying to lose weight my whole life and have done nothing but yo-yo-ing and it's very frustrating.  I am weak, easily swayed and need to grow a back bone when it comes to my health.  I think I am otherwise a very strong minded person and this is my Achilles heel.

I am not sure what this blog may become, but it's a start at something.

Of course, if this is the only post on this page, well, you know, I've been up at it again.  But let's hope not :)